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This period marks a ten-year milestone since the word “ghosting” hit the mainstream. Initially, the concept that someone could abruptly cease communication with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the peak of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, seeking a partner has only become more bewildering – an commonly unsuccessful pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly defined by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a cohort who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their millennial predecessors could ever envision. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive glossary to the words gen Z is using to navigate love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's reply is engaged or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while oozing enigma and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This means seeking out someone who helps you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people connect while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do affordable dating in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes pairs who opt out of having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of being guarded: practicing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Danger signals – Behavioral traits suggesting a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes unstable, poor gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits confirm your decision to pursue a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe specific, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (few things creates closeness faster than having a common enemy).

G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Random and frequently trivial dealbreakers that instantly shut down any sense of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely thoughtful act.

J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {